Sometimes, I just want to cut this all off.

Oh, hello.

Wow, long time no blog and to think this is my first post for the year 2010! Ahh, I’ve just been caught up in so many things, different aspects of my life. I really want to talk about them all, but I have no idea where to start.

Hmm.. but I guess something that’s been bothering me since December 30th last year is this issue between me and my high school friends. It still hurts whenever I think about it, when they said I don’t prioritize them more over my college friends, that they felt I just threw our friendship out the window when I got new friends. What the fuck, really. I don’t even know.

This is what I would like to call change. It happens. It will continue happening for the rest of your life and even if you don’t what it to, you have to suck it up, deal with it and move on with your life. For me, I think change could be synonymous to growing up. Or.. something deeper like you’re realizing you are more this kind of person that you thought you were before. No one can stay the same forever, there will be factors and people that can possibly influence the changes in your life. They sometimes can be the change itself.

I’m not saying it’s bad to stay the same way as you are, but there will be small changes in your life. It may be so minute you won’t even notice it right off the bat, but you may notice it at a later date.

Ugh, am I even making any sense? :|

I feel so affected by all of this, making me feel more suspicious, paranoid and insecure. I now can’t help but feel there will be more moments they will talk about me behind my back. Maybe raise a topic that might not even be true on my part. I’m beginning to be more careful with my words (which, I guess, is a good thing), but it leads me to not being able to talk with them freely.

I also realized some people can really be so close-minded. I find it really unfortunate.

I’m having moments wherein I want to continuously stab myself in the ear. Scary, but I got that thought from this Hawthorne Heights song entitled “Where Can I Stab Myself In The Ears?”

My best friend and I used to bond over Hawthorne Heights. I miss you 2006. Ohio Is For Lovers.

I wish things would just go back to normal.

Their absence, this void I feel has been filled with the High Crew & Marc. I’m really grateful for them; they are my silver lining.

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